Ok so my Friday nights are getting weirder by the day....BUT!!!!!!!
this is the limit
NOW,
I pride myself on the number of documentaries and movies I have seen on the second world war. Indeed, I can probably give a very informative Rant on Hitler's military moves during this period. However, among the many renditions of this futile war, there is one movie that just ticked me off.
As an Indian, I am proud of how much my earlier generation fought for the freedom but to see it condensed into THIS piece of bollywood influenced K-serial-esque DRAMA SHIT!! is just pushing it.
honestly! the movie Bose: The Forgotten Hero is perhaps the crappiest WW2 movie I have ever seen. I have only one sentence to describe it.
It is nothing less than a drama-induced Wikipedia article!
Basically, a fallen hero's life condensed into a 3 hour movie that jumps so fast, an olympic gymnast would be ashamed at the speed of it.
DO NOT WATCH IT! EVER!!!!!!!! you would do better to spend your time in a moth-infested library, researching Subash Chandra Bose's life
PS: I know I am being a tad hypocritical by linking wiki articles here but it's basically to prove my point....If you can't GET it ...then sadly you need to think harder..or maybe watch this crappy movie
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Rant 63: The Road to Silence
Dear Loud Movie Goers who came for the 4:30 pm showing of Road, the Movie at Big Cinemas in Bharath Mall, Mangalore, on 7th March, and who were probably seated in Row M,
I write this because you have made me realize that even though we can try to be as non-racist, non-stereotyping and non-judgmental as humanly possible, and yet, when people like you decide to pull stunts like you did yesterday, it makes judging you all the more satisfying…and believe me, I love my sinning.
So here it goes. My friend Yashpal and I had settled in for a movie that, for my part, I had wanted to see for a long while, called Road, the Movie, starring Abhay Deol. I had enjoyed his performance in Dev D and admire his style of no-nonsense acting, in addition to the kind of films that he does. To further remind you of the kind of movie experience that you ruined for me, this movie is about…well, a road trip, which is why I was, to repeat myself, really really really looking forward to it.
However, you had other ideas…not just for me, but for 3 rows of audience who were probably too afraid of creating an unruly scene to confront you. I too was afraid of the same thing and hence am forced to bring your species into the limelight through this modus.
You took your right to free speech to a new level. You felt that every 24 frames that passed by on the screen deserved some kind of comment from you and your friends. I agree, the part where a kid – who works at a highway tea-stall – said to Abhay Deol: "Did you think this was a Starbucks?" is funny and deserves some sharing of comments in the few seconds succeeding such a jibe. However, some really touching scenes, such as Deol stopping short of consuming his entire bottle of water upon seeing the Rajasthani women walking past in a line in search of that precious liquid, did not deserve your two-cents worth. You did not care about how much you were affecting other people’s viewing experience. All you cared was that your comments should be heard by all and sundry. Your friends probably thought that your comments were making you the cool dude of the hall and thus joined in with their half-cents worth.
Why oh why did you choose to act this way??? You were not there with your girlfriend (nor were there any girls in your immediate vicinity) wherein your cheap and unsolicited comments may have elicited some giggles and thus boosted your ego. No! There was no prize up for grabs for Best-movie-reviewer-while-screening-goes-on. In short, there was absolutely no reason why your stupid stinking rice-hole blasted that cheap streaming radio for the entire length of the movie.
And do you know the worst consequence of your actions? It is the fact that based on your accent, I could tell that you and your friends are from the UP/Bihar regions of India and the kind of reputations that some from your community have garnered all these decades – of being rowdy and totally unaware of basic social etiquette – has once again been put on display. I do not know whether to congratulate you for sheer consistency or write a formal apology letter to the governments of UP and Bihar/Jharkhand for such blatant stereotyping.
What I do know, is that next time I see someone like you who doesn’t keep his comments to an appropriate decibel level, I will find the largest-sized bucket of that tasteless crap they call movie-hall pop-corn and shove its contents right down your throat!
BTW, Road, the Movie is quite a show. Open your mind completely and be prepared to suspend disbelief.
I write this because you have made me realize that even though we can try to be as non-racist, non-stereotyping and non-judgmental as humanly possible, and yet, when people like you decide to pull stunts like you did yesterday, it makes judging you all the more satisfying…and believe me, I love my sinning.
So here it goes. My friend Yashpal and I had settled in for a movie that, for my part, I had wanted to see for a long while, called Road, the Movie, starring Abhay Deol. I had enjoyed his performance in Dev D and admire his style of no-nonsense acting, in addition to the kind of films that he does. To further remind you of the kind of movie experience that you ruined for me, this movie is about…well, a road trip, which is why I was, to repeat myself, really really really looking forward to it.
However, you had other ideas…not just for me, but for 3 rows of audience who were probably too afraid of creating an unruly scene to confront you. I too was afraid of the same thing and hence am forced to bring your species into the limelight through this modus.
You took your right to free speech to a new level. You felt that every 24 frames that passed by on the screen deserved some kind of comment from you and your friends. I agree, the part where a kid – who works at a highway tea-stall – said to Abhay Deol: "Did you think this was a Starbucks?" is funny and deserves some sharing of comments in the few seconds succeeding such a jibe. However, some really touching scenes, such as Deol stopping short of consuming his entire bottle of water upon seeing the Rajasthani women walking past in a line in search of that precious liquid, did not deserve your two-cents worth. You did not care about how much you were affecting other people’s viewing experience. All you cared was that your comments should be heard by all and sundry. Your friends probably thought that your comments were making you the cool dude of the hall and thus joined in with their half-cents worth.
Why oh why did you choose to act this way??? You were not there with your girlfriend (nor were there any girls in your immediate vicinity) wherein your cheap and unsolicited comments may have elicited some giggles and thus boosted your ego. No! There was no prize up for grabs for Best-movie-reviewer-while-screening-goes-on. In short, there was absolutely no reason why your stupid stinking rice-hole blasted that cheap streaming radio for the entire length of the movie.
And do you know the worst consequence of your actions? It is the fact that based on your accent, I could tell that you and your friends are from the UP/Bihar regions of India and the kind of reputations that some from your community have garnered all these decades – of being rowdy and totally unaware of basic social etiquette – has once again been put on display. I do not know whether to congratulate you for sheer consistency or write a formal apology letter to the governments of UP and Bihar/Jharkhand for such blatant stereotyping.
What I do know, is that next time I see someone like you who doesn’t keep his comments to an appropriate decibel level, I will find the largest-sized bucket of that tasteless crap they call movie-hall pop-corn and shove its contents right down your throat!
BTW, Road, the Movie is quite a show. Open your mind completely and be prepared to suspend disbelief.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Rant 62: My Office Part 5
If you’re the head of an organization and you like the fact that your minions are doing good, productive work and you enjoy that your own superiors look upon you as a reliable manager, then I guess you would be having constant worries about your office's productivity levels. Day and night, you may be tortured by this worry, so much so that you start hating those D-Cold Total ads that claim relief from five types of pain (which now cannot even rid you of the one in your head alone).
Well, even though I may not be the graduate of a top-notch B-School, I can still give all you current and prospective managers a simple, yet effective tool of optimizing the productivity of your workforce. It’s called, Chair-Sense.
Believe it or not, a number of pointless research studies have shown that the choice of chairs in the office can either boost or hinder productivity. Let’s face it, we all love to sit for hours on a comfortable, if slightly ominous, deadline and hey, if I’m going to hatch some proverbial eggs while the whole world zooms by me, I damn well would like to do it on a nice ergonomic, fart-compatible, well-bottomed-out chair.
So here’s a rough guide to office chair selection. Remember, variety is the key to productivity:-
1) The Night Rider: With new improved aerodynamics, this sleek looking model is sure to leave you in good spirits. After all, who doesn’t benefit from a good half-an-hour snooze?!? This chair has been put through countless wind tunnel (night-shift) testings. Our experts (night-shift employees) have spent hours in near-180 degree positions so as to maximize your potential to view the office TV in a comfortable and "productive" position. Ideal for those with cravings for heavy lunches.
please note: the company is not liable for any spinal injuries resulting from sudden breakages while in near-180 degree positions. The firm does, however, intend to take full credit for the laughs that such sudden incidents generate amongst your colleagues.
2) The Brood-o-Matic 2000 (street name, the Muse Throne): All you world-weary Nestors, this is the chair for you. Designed especially for the many "devoted" hours you spend pretending to ponder with left hand fixed firmly on arm rest (scratching your chin... Yes yes, we know, solitaire is a tough game). The side arm rests have been fixed with an extra springy base to provide maximum comfort during those long endurance levels of cleaning up your chicken’s shit in Farmville; and with motorcycle-grade shock absorbers for supreme agility during heated battles in Mafia Wars. Lock and Load!!!
3) The Trumpet: Once you have imbibed the suggestions from your newspaper’s horoscope section ("you are strong, energetic, outgoing and will definitely get some action today despite your pig-like odour and drool" etc) and have filled yourself up with enough Red Bull to rival Maverick's F-16, take a ride on a model we lovingly call Jerry the mouse. The pure symphony of squeaky noises from your constant "adjustments" will leave even Pavarotti spellbound. Let the whole world know how often you roll around inside your cubicle or shift your backside just that wee bit for a quick and noiseless…well …you-know-what. Let your boss figure out how much you miss your baby crib with some good old-fashioned rocking! Remember it’s all about the music.
It’s of course difficult to list all the models here but do take the time to research all your options before choosing the right mix of chairs. Remember that each employee has different tastes and thus is suited for one particular chair. If perchance he/she feels at ease with more than one type, then congratulations, you have found a go-getter; somebody who can fit in anywhere and in any situation. You may now promote him to your post and take a long awaited vacation into the world of retirement.
Well, even though I may not be the graduate of a top-notch B-School, I can still give all you current and prospective managers a simple, yet effective tool of optimizing the productivity of your workforce. It’s called, Chair-Sense.
Believe it or not, a number of pointless research studies have shown that the choice of chairs in the office can either boost or hinder productivity. Let’s face it, we all love to sit for hours on a comfortable, if slightly ominous, deadline and hey, if I’m going to hatch some proverbial eggs while the whole world zooms by me, I damn well would like to do it on a nice ergonomic, fart-compatible, well-bottomed-out chair.
So here’s a rough guide to office chair selection. Remember, variety is the key to productivity:-
1) The Night Rider: With new improved aerodynamics, this sleek looking model is sure to leave you in good spirits. After all, who doesn’t benefit from a good half-an-hour snooze?!? This chair has been put through countless wind tunnel (night-shift) testings. Our experts (night-shift employees) have spent hours in near-180 degree positions so as to maximize your potential to view the office TV in a comfortable and "productive" position. Ideal for those with cravings for heavy lunches.
please note: the company is not liable for any spinal injuries resulting from sudden breakages while in near-180 degree positions. The firm does, however, intend to take full credit for the laughs that such sudden incidents generate amongst your colleagues.
2) The Brood-o-Matic 2000 (street name, the Muse Throne): All you world-weary Nestors, this is the chair for you. Designed especially for the many "devoted" hours you spend pretending to ponder with left hand fixed firmly on arm rest (scratching your chin... Yes yes, we know, solitaire is a tough game). The side arm rests have been fixed with an extra springy base to provide maximum comfort during those long endurance levels of cleaning up your chicken’s shit in Farmville; and with motorcycle-grade shock absorbers for supreme agility during heated battles in Mafia Wars. Lock and Load!!!
3) The Trumpet: Once you have imbibed the suggestions from your newspaper’s horoscope section ("you are strong, energetic, outgoing and will definitely get some action today despite your pig-like odour and drool" etc) and have filled yourself up with enough Red Bull to rival Maverick's F-16, take a ride on a model we lovingly call Jerry the mouse. The pure symphony of squeaky noises from your constant "adjustments" will leave even Pavarotti spellbound. Let the whole world know how often you roll around inside your cubicle or shift your backside just that wee bit for a quick and noiseless…well …you-know-what. Let your boss figure out how much you miss your baby crib with some good old-fashioned rocking! Remember it’s all about the music.
It’s of course difficult to list all the models here but do take the time to research all your options before choosing the right mix of chairs. Remember that each employee has different tastes and thus is suited for one particular chair. If perchance he/she feels at ease with more than one type, then congratulations, you have found a go-getter; somebody who can fit in anywhere and in any situation. You may now promote him to your post and take a long awaited vacation into the world of retirement.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)