Rant 98: Born in the wrong country

Identity
I’m not the first person who when asked “where are you from?” falls down a mental black hole of uncertainty and insecurity. I’m also sure I’m not the first person who feels their identity is in a constant flux.

And so the question raises itself again: Where am I truly from?

To clear the basics: I was, I am told, born in the state of Orissa in the south eastern part of India. I am told it was in the summer. I remember growing up in Jamshedpur, in the state of Bihar (now Jharkhand) in eastern India. So, surely, I must identify with that place?

However, a mixture of insecurity during childhood, peer pressure, social embarrassment, bullying, failure to achieve expectations, and a general desire to see the wider world forced me to reject the place I grew up in. Jamshedpur is still the place that I know best - geographically speaking - and it is still the place where I have spent the most amount of time at a single stretch. But I am not from Jamshedpur.

To continue the basics: I did my basic bachelor’s degree in Manipal, in the coastal belt of south west India. I rejected an opportunity to study in the United States and packed off to a university known more for its party scene than its academic prowess. I spent three years doing a degree I had supposedly wanted to do. I made some friends, had some adventures, and eventually scraped through with a degree. However, among the many regrets was the fact that I had wasted three years of my life indulging in forms of excess I had not expected of myself. Add to that more social exclusion, being generally bullied, and rejected in areas of love. All of these add up to more bad memories, more regrets, and more feelings of shame when remembering the past. I am not from Manipal.

I spent the next two-and-a-half years working out of Mangalore, which was just an hour away from Manipal - again on the coast. Here, I found myself professionally. I became good at what I did. I made two very good friends, had some amazing experiences, found love, then lost it, then indulged in excess and then found my future wife. And yet, I do not identify myself as being from Mangalore. This one I am at a loss to explain why.

My then-girlfriend-now-wife had been visiting from England. We fell in love and I eventually came over to the UK to do my Master’s degree. There was a great deal of excitement about being in a totally new country. And an equally exciting prospect was leaving India behind. Not just the land, but all my bad memories. I had resolved to change myself. I had resolved to run away from all that I hated about India, all that I hated about my association with India. I was of the opinion, that if I separated myself by vast oceans and thousands of miles, India would never catch up with me. My past, I hoped, would never resurface. And thankfully, there has never been a major occurrence of that so far.

And so I resolved to change myself. I tried, and I still am trying, to become British. It’s a weird moment in my life when I admit to myself, that I need to begin a new identity. Secret agents perhaps have it easy when changing identities, as it’s part of the job. They don’t necessarily choose having to become someone else. They are required to. I’m choosing to change my identity.

Since late 2011, in fact, I have consciously tried to change my habits, my way of speaking, my way of communicating, my way of cracking jokes, my way of watching television, heck even my way of drinking water.

I do not know if what I am doing is correct. It’s difficult to integrate into a culture that is so vastly different from the one you grew up in. Even in the multicultural world of 2015, there are some things I can just never hope to be; or some things that you just can’t choose into being. On a day-to-day basis, "being British" - or whatever I am doing is called - isn’t easy. I’m sure there are many Brits who say the same thing.

It’s difficult. But I am trying.

I am not from England. But from November 2015 onwards, a part of me has officially staked claim to being from England. A part of my identity has been reborn. And this time, I get the feeling it's the right country.

Rant 86: Chaos is always politically correct

I've always wondered what the world looked like when the lights change...
shame a butterfly is used mostly as an unlikely example of the impending madness...


The madness spares no one, regardless of gender, race, creed, colour, or any other form of man-made distinction...when it's time to go, it's one big fucking blur...

Ah there it is!

Rant 81: My love-hate relationship with Rain

When I was little, I hated rainy days. Absolutely did. For the simple reason that I was unable to go outside and play. Of course, this was back in the east-Indian city of Jamshedpur when the rainy season lasted no more than a month or so.
But having spent the last four-and-a-half years in the south-western part of India - where rain accounts for half the number of seasons - it's much harder to ignore it.
I'll admit, I still hate that it prevents me from going outside, but it was this very fact that allowed me to view it from a slightly different perspective today. An 18-200mm perspective to be precise!
I pursue my hobby of Lawn Tennis at a local club, which requires me to wake up at the ungodly hour of 5:30am. My bed lies just below my living room window and when I awoke this morning, I followed my usual ritual of looking up to see how much of dawn had broken, and was greeted by this (top right).
Now, this kind of opening to the day is not uncommon obviously and there have been several false alarms regarding impending rain straight after. However, I wanted to wait a bit before getting ready so that if it did rain, I could just go back and finish my sleep. I waited 20 mins, no rain. 30, no rain. Brilliant! I proceeded to make a strong cup of coffee, which guaranteed an instant brain kick-start and total awakening. Lo and behold! Just as I finished my cuppa, the heavens opened up.

I've never figured out how the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs" came to be. I mean, there have been freak cases where it's rained frogs and leeches, but never cats or dogs. Not that I intend to patent anything like, "It's raining frogs and leeches" (or maybe the French already have, who knows?). Anyways, I decided to have a little foray with the camera.
I headed out to my balcony and was immediately drawn to the line of water droplets building up on the parapet above me. It's like looking at a monstrous pearl necklace, only the pearls are constantly falling off to be replaced by new ones, (a woman's ultimate dream perhaps???).
However, try as I might, I could not capture the exact moment of when a droplet was falling off, or should I say the moment when it was in the air. All kinds of experimentation failed, from using flash to increasing the ISO and shutter speeds to crazy levels. But nothing worked. The moment of release for the droplet was just too unpredictable, and hence the fastest shutterspeed could not make up for a slow response time on my part. If anybody out there has a suggestion, please do leave a comment or email me at bibhashdash@gmail.com

But then, just as I had lost all hope of capturing a dramatic moment, the droplet fell, I followed its path, and it was time to dance. There was something so chaotic, and yet so simple and elegant, in the way they randomly burst upon the ledge. And I danced along with them. Switching my shooting to "burst mode", I was led by the elusive droplets, chasing them all along the ledge and everytime, they gave me different beats. Mother Nature's platinum album!

Thirty minutes and 150-odd images later, the rain at last ceased.






It left some lush green memories in its wake


and some unseemly ones as well....

But overall, I learned that no matter how much one may dislike rain, it is one of the most beautiful....


Oh crap, it's started again...

Rant 76: Not quite cheating...but not quite a Picasso!

Thankfully, I've been able to hack out plenty of leaves in the last few weeks and despite the initial joy when I wake up in the morning that I don't have to go to work, it gets quite boring towards the evenings. Hence, I've been getting on my bike and just heading off to the nearby beaches. Been experimenting with some slow-shutter speeds (like 30 seconds, and it can give some lovely effects and some lovely disasters as well!!)
anyways, in keeping with the trend of doing some post-production learning as well, I picked up this cool trick that lets me convert my photos into a painting. And while I understand that this type probably has little real-world application, it can definitely come of use in graphic design and the like. Additionally, I also picked up a lovely way to ease my post-production for the future.
Basically effects like the one you can see above involve several steps, and four filters with numerous little adjustments in each. So, in order that I don't have to keep going back to my tutorial every time, Photoshop lets me "record" all the steps that I take, and the next time I want to apply that effect, I can just use a self-assigned keyboard shortcut and voila! I have auto pilot doing things for me!
Back to the pic itself, of course, it's a first time for me on this effect, but it does look fairly painting-esque don't you think?
and here's the original

Rant 71: The stuff of dreams

Continuing my foray into post-production, here's one I took at a place called Chikmaglur (around 4 hours drive away from Mangalore. Here's the post of that visit).
This random ghat area is on the way to the Mullayangiri hill, and having picked up a trick called the "dreamy / misty" effect, I knew I had to implement it on one of these photos. Best results emerge with photos of water/river taken with a high-end camera...still hunting around for such a shot on my comp, so posting of that will have to wait. But hope you enjoy this as well...kinda reminds me of the whole Pandora island effect!

Rant 70: MONO with a DASH of colour

Been doing some reading up on post-production techniques...effects etc. Not that I wasn't doing any before but those were mostly related to basic ones like Brightness/Contrast, Shadow/highlights..
But ever since I acquired the Adobe CS5 Master Collection (a total of 17 applications), the post-production bug has well and truly bitten me...
plus I've also started adding my watermark to my pics, so all you leechers can stuff it from here on...
So here's the first few of many experiments to come...
This one was taken way back in 2008, when I was still in college (Manipal) and working for our student-run news website The Manipal Journal.
I was on the outskirts of Mangalore with one of our reporters, covering a very sad incident. A bus full of children going to school had drowned in the river seen here, with just a few survivors. After a whole morning spent among them, I was quite depressed by the whole thing. As we walked across a bridge, en route to the bus stop, I spotted this boat and (who I assume was) its owner. Completely represented what I was going through at that point, mainly, sad, but looking out for some hope.
This second one, was taken in my native state of Orissa, in a city called Cuttack. The person on the top left is my cousin, who is now a full-fledged under-19 Ranji player for the state. And I was lucky to catch him during his morning practice. The cricket ball in the foreground was nearly brand new at the start of the session, and its current state clearly shows the rigours with which he practices. And in what seems like a rare case among the Indian middle class, his parents have allowed him to study a non-sciencey field in senior school, so that his time can be best devoted to the game.
Since that day, he has already played several professional games for the state and it just goes to show how much practice can make perfect.
Next up we have the famous Kuwait Towers. As you can read from its history, this landmark of Kuwait was ravaged by forces during the invasion period 1990-1992. It has since been restored to its former glory and is now considered the pride of the nation. Not to sound like a tour guide, but it is definitely a wonderful visit to this place, and completely worth going up to the bottom dome seen in the picture. It contains a rotating platform, which gives you amazing views of the entire city. A must-see if you're ever down in this country.
Coming back to mera bharat mahan, the next one came in New Delhi, specifically in the forest area adjacent to the Qutab Minar.
I had been clicking away - trees etc - and in this huge natural expanse, it was easy to feel a little alone, especially as 99% of traffic noise is blocked out, and all you can hear are birds, crickets, an occasional peacock (they're really hard to photograph!). So when I was a bit overwhelmed by the nature-ness of it all, I sat down on a piece of concrete for a breather. Lo and behold, one of the first things I see is this dude walking away and, of course, once again captured what I was feeling, a huge sense of solitude...well almost I suppose (two is company isn't it?).
And finally, we take the holy route. This gargantuan statue of Hindu deity Shiva is located in Murudeswar (for an earlier post on this place, click here). And for the uninitiated ones, this deity's favourite animal is the snake. I'll try not to wet myself here, but snakes, for me, are QUITE scary. I try and conquer my fears, though, by watching discovery channel type shows about these creatures, and have been fortunate not to be confronted by live, uncaged one yet (not that dead ones are any prettier). Anyway, this one on the left was obviously quite daunting for me to see, but became another way to fight fear I think. The deity himself is largely characterised as the destroyer, and he too brings up childhood memories of bearded sadhus on TV who - in loud booming voices - proclaimed how Shiva could destroy the whole universe with his dancing.

And as a bonus for going through this whole post, I give you my thanks and a shot of a typical action performed by most tourists (Indian ones anyway), vandalism. This one's taken at Ullalla beach just a few kms outside of Mangalore.
It put me in a cheerier mood writing this post (after all that snake talk), and I hope it gives you a few laughs as well.
Cheers!

Rant 66: The page that wishes it understood the true meaning of freedom

Independence day celebrations

From the darkness of subservience..came a new dawn

At offices and schools across the nation

Unfurling the flag

Salutes all around

None is spared...statue or street vendor

The freedom to sell...How many steps between a flag and the nation itself then???

Rant 63: The Road to Silence

Dear Loud Movie Goers who came for the 4:30 pm showing of Road, the Movie at Big Cinemas in Bharath Mall, Mangalore, on 7th March, and who were probably seated in Row M,
I write this because you have made me realize that even though we can try to be as non-racist, non-stereotyping and non-judgmental as humanly possible, and yet, when people like you decide to pull stunts like you did yesterday, it makes judging you all the more satisfying…and believe me, I love my sinning.
So here it goes. My friend Yashpal and I had settled in for a movie that, for my part, I had wanted to see for a long while, called Road, the Movie, starring Abhay Deol. I had enjoyed his performance in Dev D and admire his style of no-nonsense acting, in addition to the kind of films that he does. To further remind you of the kind of movie experience that you ruined for me, this movie is about…well, a road trip, which is why I was, to repeat myself, really really really looking forward to it.
However, you had other ideas…not just for me, but for 3 rows of audience who were probably too afraid of creating an unruly scene to confront you. I too was afraid of the same thing and hence am forced to bring your species into the limelight through this modus.
You took your right to free speech to a new level. You felt that every 24 frames that passed by on the screen deserved some kind of comment from you and your friends. I agree, the part where a kid – who works at a highway tea-stall – said to Abhay Deol: "Did you think this was a Starbucks?" is funny and deserves some sharing of comments in the few seconds succeeding such a jibe. However, some really touching scenes, such as Deol stopping short of consuming his entire bottle of water upon seeing the Rajasthani women walking past in a line in search of that precious liquid, did not deserve your two-cents worth. You did not care about how much you were affecting other people’s viewing experience. All you cared was that your comments should be heard by all and sundry. Your friends probably thought that your comments were making you the cool dude of the hall and thus joined in with their half-cents worth.
Why oh why did you choose to act this way??? You were not there with your girlfriend (nor were there any girls in your immediate vicinity) wherein your cheap and unsolicited comments may have elicited some giggles and thus boosted your ego. No! There was no prize up for grabs for Best-movie-reviewer-while-screening-goes-on. In short, there was absolutely no reason why your stupid stinking rice-hole blasted that cheap streaming radio for the entire length of the movie.
And do you know the worst consequence of your actions? It is the fact that based on your accent, I could tell that you and your friends are from the UP/Bihar regions of India and the kind of reputations that some from your community have garnered all these decades – of being rowdy and totally unaware of basic social etiquette – has once again been put on display. I do not know whether to congratulate you for sheer consistency or write a formal apology letter to the governments of UP and Bihar/Jharkhand for such blatant stereotyping.
What I do know, is that next time I see someone like you who doesn’t keep his comments to an appropriate decibel level, I will find the largest-sized bucket of that tasteless crap they call movie-hall pop-corn and shove its contents right down your throat!

BTW, Road, the Movie is quite a show. Open your mind completely and be prepared to suspend disbelief.

Rant 57: A journey of a 1000 Pillars

Moodabidri, around 35kms from Mangalore is quite renowned for this 1000 pillared Jain temple (also referred to as a Basadi).
An interesting place I say. Though I should add that I reached there in the worst possible time, NOON! It is by far the worst time to take pictures. Still hope you like them

The temple

The Pillars

Beyond the hallowed gateway lies....

this statue....

and this

Lets not forget the Elephant in the room...or is it two?

 

All hail the great Jain prophet, Sri whats-his-name!

Rant 55: Diwali Delights

Realise this is probably a little late to be posting diwali pics but what the heck...

Now even though I'm not the biggest fan of crackers cos I think it's almost literally money going up in smoke...The Reach Out Club had organised a diwali celebration at the Twin House, a place for underprivileged kids ...managed to have some fun myself with the fooljhadis and the rockets and bombs...

enjoyed messing around with slow shutterspeed as usual, but realised its not so convenient to take really good shots without a tripod...still learnt loads about keeping the cam steady in really low light situations (thus far i was able to get away with shaky hands cos i had a tripod...damn you Mr. Goa Thief...!)

This one's one of my favourite shots. Completely captures the moment and the spirit of firing a rocket...I know i used to get a rush at the moment of lift off in my younger days...Hope this fires a memory or two for ya'll...oh and thats a budweiser bottle we used as a launch pad

Living it up with the kids of twin house...

cheers!

Rant 54: Animal care trust blog

Hi all,
the Animal Care Trust (Mangalore) has its very own blog up now. I had posted about this place back in August. If you want a glimpse of what the place is like you can check out the pics here.
Although this trust is probably not your state of the art facility when compared to say the ones in metros, it has one major characteristic that sets it apart.
While most major animal centres may put to sleep those that are deemed even remotely as unfit (even something like missing a leg), the centre here in fact takes on more "unfit" animals than the latter. Its safe to say, even injured animals deserve dignity in life (to quote Dr. Gregory House: "There's no dignity in dying, you only live with it!").
However, the facility does need a fair amount of revamping in terms of sanitation etc if it is to match up to the standards set by its metro counterparts.
So a formal request to all those who want to and are able to help, to contact the people behind this cause. and just so you know, they prefer kind rather than cash. If you know anything about dogs, cats etc, it won't be hard to figure some basic needs out (gunny bags to sleep on, belts, medicines etc).
The ACT blog is run by the members of the Reach Out Club. On the latter's blog you can also read about a recent pup rescue (of no less than 8!!) made on our very own office premises.

Rant 53: Diwali joy at Twin house

The most useful and satisfying Diwali ever spent.
celebrations courtesy ROC (The Reach Out Club)

Pics (taken by yours truly) and description on the following link
http://therocstars.wordpress.com/2009/10/25/little-diwali-of-smiles/   

Enjoy!

Rant 50: The nights Temple-ar

(warning) Since this post is related to temples (and I hate going to those places)...there will be a few puns ...some bad...others worse...

So Dusshera is pretty big here, well...isn't it anywhere in India? Unfortunately, the bigger the festival the more extravagant the pointlessness gets...
and nowhere is this extravagance more evident than good old conservative Mangalore. the streets are decked up with lights as if the whole city is getting married in one single week, crackers breaking your sleep and the ever musical, drum-beat, breaking your mental peace when you least expect it...
back at the temple, the lights were bright, the decorations over-the-top, the statues more muscular than Arnie in his umpteen Terminator films (even those of female deities)
'Shri Gokarnatha Kshetra'.
Inaugurated by the late Rajiv Gandhi (in the year of his death...did somebody say coincidence?? or maybe irony?) this temple complex boasts many huge buildings and structures dedicated to many of the million "multi-tasking" gods of the Hindu religion...
here lie the blessed pics (see what I did there?)

When the lights go on...there stands the gateway to heaven


Temple...hai! nazar na lag jaaye

Random female goddess...awww! and doesn't HE look cute in purple?

All hail the great god Shiva.....and NOW........Lets PARTYYYYYYY!!!!!!

a sea of madness...

Ok this is some real graphic stuff...adult supervision is advised!!


We've got the lord in our hearts...err...Cellphones