Rant 36: The best corporation in the world

Okay, so after hours of contemplation, I have reached the conclusion that
a) Never start with 20 kilo weights after a month long break from working out
and...
b) the best corporation in the world is...Religion Inc.
Taking in astronomical sums of money each year as capital and registering super-normal rises in year-on-year profits, the corp has literally grown from scratch to one of the biggest oligarchs in the history of human habitation on the Earth.
Right from its humble beginnings in the stone age, it started with initial fixed assets (capital) of goats, sheep, cows and other animals (otherwise called sacrifices). As time progressed, some of its public shareholders decided that they wanted more control over the enterprise and thus began formulating company policies.
At all points, these policies were dictated to a single public shareholder by the company executives. Those execs with many hands (and many lives as well) preferred to remain above the cloud levels and communicate through various avatars in their earthly escapades, most avatars being animal forms.
Execs who actually dared to show their true faces on the Earth, quickly learnt to avoid that approach, as reports were reaching the boardroom that the public shareholders loved playing Crucifixion.
The company policies were written into various forms for easier understanding amongst the masses. Some execs added a bit of sado-masochist porn in, while others preferred a good dose of good-old blood and gore. All in all, it was a good book...or so it seems.
In time, the public shareholders became even more demanding. So the execs decided to sell off their majority shares and head off on a long vacation. The public shareholders decided to branch out the company and formed different sub-divisions. The strange thing was (as is with companies owned by Rupert Murdoch) that even though the sub-divisions were meant to pour "profits" into the same parent company, the publicly seen methods of obtaining those incomes violated various ethical norms, not least in the corporate battles between the sub-divisions themselves.
However, the company knew that no matter how many mass killings, suicides, pollution, they would always emerge victorious in the eyes of their shareholders because of their one TRUMP card...
The simple phrase : "It's my religious belief"
Working even more effectively than a full blown cruciatus curse, this single phrase has guaranteed that critics of any kind, will tip-toe respectfully away from any debate on the company's policies.
Thus, the wisest investment in these dark times is perhaps Religion Inc.

S.O.T.O. Rants is in no way affiliated with and does not endorse the beliefs and policies of Religon Inc. Purchase of mutual funds, shares and debentures are subject to market risks (Earthquakes, tsunamis, global warming, famines). Please read the offer document carefully before investing.