Rant 36: The best corporation in the world

Okay, so after hours of contemplation, I have reached the conclusion that
a) Never start with 20 kilo weights after a month long break from working out
and...
b) the best corporation in the world is...Religion Inc.
Taking in astronomical sums of money each year as capital and registering super-normal rises in year-on-year profits, the corp has literally grown from scratch to one of the biggest oligarchs in the history of human habitation on the Earth.
Right from its humble beginnings in the stone age, it started with initial fixed assets (capital) of goats, sheep, cows and other animals (otherwise called sacrifices). As time progressed, some of its public shareholders decided that they wanted more control over the enterprise and thus began formulating company policies.
At all points, these policies were dictated to a single public shareholder by the company executives. Those execs with many hands (and many lives as well) preferred to remain above the cloud levels and communicate through various avatars in their earthly escapades, most avatars being animal forms.
Execs who actually dared to show their true faces on the Earth, quickly learnt to avoid that approach, as reports were reaching the boardroom that the public shareholders loved playing Crucifixion.
The company policies were written into various forms for easier understanding amongst the masses. Some execs added a bit of sado-masochist porn in, while others preferred a good dose of good-old blood and gore. All in all, it was a good book...or so it seems.
In time, the public shareholders became even more demanding. So the execs decided to sell off their majority shares and head off on a long vacation. The public shareholders decided to branch out the company and formed different sub-divisions. The strange thing was (as is with companies owned by Rupert Murdoch) that even though the sub-divisions were meant to pour "profits" into the same parent company, the publicly seen methods of obtaining those incomes violated various ethical norms, not least in the corporate battles between the sub-divisions themselves.
However, the company knew that no matter how many mass killings, suicides, pollution, they would always emerge victorious in the eyes of their shareholders because of their one TRUMP card...
The simple phrase : "It's my religious belief"
Working even more effectively than a full blown cruciatus curse, this single phrase has guaranteed that critics of any kind, will tip-toe respectfully away from any debate on the company's policies.
Thus, the wisest investment in these dark times is perhaps Religion Inc.

S.O.T.O. Rants is in no way affiliated with and does not endorse the beliefs and policies of Religon Inc. Purchase of mutual funds, shares and debentures are subject to market risks (Earthquakes, tsunamis, global warming, famines). Please read the offer document carefully before investing.

Rant 8: doubt

I have had quite a weird relationship with one of mankind's most pointless fascinations. yep i'm talking about everyone's favourite Reality show...the GOD show (not to be confused with GOD Tv though there really isn't much of a difference). i'm talking about the one reality show that didn't even need TV to begin with. Egyptians, Grecians etc made sure that we were all participants in this the mother of all shows.
Back when i was a kidI used to assume Mr. Gary O Donnel (the nice old man living up in the sky watching over me) was kind of a mean guy, punishing people with threats of hell for wrong stuff. so i did the necessary prayer time, at home, and mostly before exams. at that point, doing badly in exams was way way worse than say shoving the back-side of a pencil up ur desk partner's rear end...way worse.
i now realise that it was probably all the constant coaxing from my folks etc that got me the results i got...and not some 6X9 picture of a woman with ten hands. it's scary shit. i remember going to an Oriya association function one evening and the only thing i clearly remember is being shit scared of the black coloured statue of my people's god...Jaggannath. i was inadvertanly given the message of fear of the unknown by this statue.

as u can probably guess from earlier posts, i love "conversing". so now that i stand on a platform of uncertainty, i guess i have to take the matter up with the big G himself.

me: 'sup
G: How are you my son?
me: m doin' great. had some questions for ya though.
G: (sigh) what is it
me: how does one guy like you listen to the hopes and prayers of a whole fucking planet?
G: its a good trick u know. U dont really have to be listening even. my good friend, Mr. Bush and his dear dad made sure that my "message" gets through to everyone. that way when someone asks me for something (and this is by the millions everyday), i simply throw out random Yes's and No's. this way there's a very good probability that everyone will get somethi ng or the other that he/she asked in his/her lifetime. God bless America.
me: hang on...ur the god here i thought. did u just pray to urself??? and why does god feel obligated to bless only america. why not Jerusalem. I'm guessing the place where three religions were born should be a more blessed place than a place where crackpots like Joseph Smith emerged.
G: well you know, USA called dibs on me first.
me: dibs??? ok now this is getting silly.
G: It is. all of religion is just plain silly. take this conversation for instance. you feel like ur talking to god or someone right? wrong...ur always talking to urself. and for once, i'm gonna lay some truth on ur arse. this whole god thing is a sham. the little voice inside ur head talking to u, is ur own damn brain. Get over urself. all actions are either directly or indirectly a result of human action, and not a result of drinking my blood every sunday or lighting a thousand candles....i wouldn't even need candles if these stupid priests didn't put me in such dark corners of their temples.
and speaking of dibs, it is what politicians have always done. i'm sure u know how my good friend bush has made good use of MY concept and made life soo good for the americans. every social or geo-political master needs an element that binds his/her subjects; in order to acheive social control. apart from today's modern age, lets face it, when brother Ugger (pronounced ooo-ger) left for his morning hunt out of stone-age papua new guinea and saw his first lightning strike, he might have been just a little tempted to think there was more than just charged particles floating around. thus the first human Master emerged. and since it was Ugger who first noticed the lightning strike, thus emerged the first human Prophet. this cycle is repeated in every generation and it is how u end up with a thousand paths to the same frickin' destination.
Goddammit...it irritates me just to be talking about stuff which these idiots (the population) should have been clever enough to guess for themselves.

sigh....i guess man will always be man...and i will always be the product of a 21 year old's incessant uncertainty.