Rant 20: Funny shit!

There are few books that have the capacity to make you feel as if you were "dumbing down" on

your own somehow. One of them is this

gem of a piece called "Vikram Betal Stories".

In a weird sense, I picked up this book at a bus stand in Manipal, in hopes of havng something to pass the time with on a 1.5 hr bus trip to Mangalore, badly spotted with Potholes.

disclaimer: this book has been written by Er. BG Ramesh (who knows what Er stands for?) and published by Ganesh Publications Bangalore,

any complaints of nausea, diarrhoea, cancer, aids, brain haemmorage after reading the afore mentioned book (if you actually manage to get your hands on one...and actually buy it), should be directed at the concerned parties mentioned above.

The first story goes thus,

A King, from the town of Varanasi, with a completely unpronouncable name, has a son, with an equally unpronouncable name (guess it runs in the family) and this dude befriends the son of the court minister, who has an equally....oh forget it!

hhhanyways...the duo set off on a forest ride together on horses (if Vivid video is reading this then good for porn industry) and reach a lake. Here they see a lovely woman bathing. She turns to them and with a single glance, both king and lady fall in love...

fineee..makes sense so far.

here are three actions that the lady performs afterwards:-

1) takes Jasmine flower from bunch on head and puts it on her ear.

explanation by gay son of minister: it means she is the countr y ruled by Karnotpala

2) she takes out one more flower and bites it

explanation by GSM: she is the daughter (and a kinky one at that) of an artisian who works on ivory

3) she wore a lotus flower on her hear and kept her hand on her chest (ok now this is getting way out of hand...VIVID...ARE YOU GETTING THIS??)

explanation: she wore lotus that means her name is Padmavati and hand on chest means she loves you (not to mention she likes second base)

immediately the brave son of king (SOK) sets of for the the far land of karnotpala and encounters the maid of his beloved at an inn (no doubt the old lady has a lot to work for!)

she is sent by said brave SOK to tell the girl of his feelings,

here's the funniest bit

again we have three solid actions performed by the woman that take the cake in terms of stupidity.

1) she slaps the old woman, 2 hands 10 fingers et al, and somehow the SOK figured out her fingerprints and guessed that she wanted to wait 10 more days

2) she slaps the lady with 3 fingers and sends her back...no prizes on what this sms meant.

3) the third time she tells the lady to tell the SOK to come to her house but only by a rope ladder and whisk her away...bollywood style it seems!

wow! nymohomaniac and socially dysfunctional tendencies...must be real good

Lastly by a cunning plan that involved stealing her jewels and disguising the GSM as a hermit (as if he couldn't get gay-er) the SOK manages to "nobly" win over the woman

The End...

there were 24 more stories in this book.

It is not my book anymore...because...it is in the waste basket.

My sanity is not worth this crap.

I don't know why I picked it up.

I don't know why I'm still blogging about it...

Rant 19: Street focus # P2

Its almost like a trend now here in Manipal. On the one hand, the University supposedly has a Green Policy (posters can be found in all MIT hostels, half torn half the time of course!) These posters tell the students a lot about what can be done to save water through your morning ablutions. It's detail is good esp when you consider they built the damn hostels...

hhhanyway!

the other side of the story unfolds here....

the trend of tree trimming or tree pruning or tree felling...whatever the heck you wanna call it. It seems, MU doesn't care how many trees they cut down either to build new buildings, hostels or simply cos it "looks good"

Warning...pictures may be too graphic for avid nature lovers...viewer discretion is advised!

timber!!!...and how

that's how and all for this

i guess this one's for the waste basket

If you're thinking that MU at least got a building out of this and thus it's justified etc etc then wait...

the next story

is about a few more fallen trees

deep in the heart of MIT Hostels

apparently, doing things like this, makes our place look better

Now I ask you

for better or worse?

In the spirit of our fantastic 24X7 news channels

Co-CONSPIRATOR NUMBER ONE Co-CONSPIRATOR NUMBER TWO

the men behind it...MU staff

Joke of the Day...a ONE rupee fine

Rant 18: Street Focus # P1

So to begin my long desired series on street photography, here we go.
We begin at my college, the Manipal Institute of Communication.
oh and i have also lost my phone so there is no better excuse than this to indulge in some shutter-buggery.
Aim to cover all of Manipal and surrounding areas, right from the Entrance via the State Highway-4 right up to...well...end point! and I also include some pics from other friends who loved the scenes in and around this beautiful town.

Apart from the usual sights you see around college, under trees, shady areas, etc. here are some off-road sights one may see less often...

the more visible of the creatures we look after. and yet all they do is sleep and eat....lazy dogs!

see?


this one's called a disco-fry...simply briliant
courtesy, Samudra restaurant


chill maadi yaar...now you know why we like saying it!
cos it's the first thing you see when you enter Manipal


no pain...no gain...also no motor (seen at Manipal entrance)


the middle class dilema...in the information age


college common room...to find common ground amongst constantly arguing persons
...namely...us!
(taken by http://invalidsearch.blogspot.com)

To be Continued...

Rant 17: A crying shame

On the 15^th of April, news broke, in the most scandalous of fashions, of six boys, from reputed colleges in Mumbai, who raped a student from the US, pursuing her studies at the Tata Institute of Social Sciences. The first story was on the front page, Times of India, Bombay edition. The first picture is particularly damning. A youth with his head covered, and a policeman holding this head. Several hands are seen around, possibly of the huge media circus. The first caption too adds to the drama, “Dastardly Crime”. This story has since then been republished online with several tasty comments to follow. The first comment for example on one of the online renditions, started with “Animals…”

Why all this affected me so, is because the first two names given as suspects (Vinamra Soni and Jaskaran Singh Bhullar) are two very good friends of mine, batch-mates in our school years. I have known them for the better part of twelve years, and have seen them as they are, just your typical school ka gunda with the big heart (reserved in big dose for the ladies). The bully image aside, I have myself traveled with Jaskaran to many a school fest in Lucknow and thus can tell you with absolute certainty that he has the biggest and kindest heart for women. I still remember how jealous the rest of us were of him at those after-parties still dressed in our uniforms from the fest in the mornings. Anyways, the point is that from the myriad of phone calls I have made and received since this news broke, not a single batch mate of mine ever expected something like this happening. We have literally seen these guys grow up, and the shock is still settling in.

Not least because of the latest evidence in this story. The victim’s statement. If the supreme court order is to be taken, then as of today the victim’s word is the final statement, medical tests notwithstanding. Thus the victim’s story, told in excruciating detail, tells of the initial party and it goes something along the lines of, Was taken to a party by friends (Vinamra and Jaskaran); met more people at club; was pressured to drink, I did; was told to try LSD, I didn’t; was told to smoke a joint, I didn’t. After clubbing, she claims she rode off with Jaskaran and Vinamra in an auto to get dropped off to meet another friend. But the other members of this party allegedly re-routed the auto to a flat in Andheri. It is here that she describes how first Vinamra, then Jaskaran made their sexual advances. After that she apparently doesn’t remember a thing and wakes up to find herself raped and sleeping next to the boys.

The story is not over yet. She goes with two of the boys to buy contraceptives and then goes back to her hostel to blow the whistle on them. Somehow, there is a missing link somewhere.

Anyways, the TV channels have of course made sure of their air time in the most inane of fashions. Where the print edition at least attempted to draw a conclusion based on facts, the Times Now piece for example, is nothing better than the Arushi-Noida saga, or any other news-soap that we see today. The piece itself is just a picture of Vinamra and Jaskaran (given an alias Karan, that is perhaps even more damning, media-wise) and it could well be any two of our batch-mates enjoying at a party. However, skilful editing meant, the two were virtually “framed” up between 100 size font headlines of CO-CONSPIRATORS etc and the usual crawlers giving up-to-the-minute “updates” on the story. Fast switching zooms and the red-circle, if not for which the Indian public would never be able to make out the accused person’s face in a chest level photograph taken with a digital camera. Let’s not forget priceless quotes from the victim flashing up every 2 minutes or so.

Another interesting aspect that is funny to the point of sickening me now, is that on the top right corner of the picture is a stamp size portrait of a person similar looking to Vinamra. The red circle and the zoom didn’t miss that. To an average viewer it may well look like the third CO-CONSPIRATOR (lol, I just love saying that heavy now!). However, TRP zest is no excuse for pinning someone’s younger brother as a rape accused. He studied in the same school as us, a few grades lower. That’s it. Please use your discretion wisely when viewing such “News” pieces. Someone giving a highly constipated look (this funny picturisation, courtesy, http://invalidsearch.blogspot.com/2007/07/most-traumatic-experience-of-my-life.html) and telling you about these CO-CONSPIRATORS, about what a bad thing they’ve done, is just one side of the silver coin that is the Indian Media Circus.

No one is denying that this “Dastardly crime” has happened. Let’s be rational in meting out punishment.

Rant 16: UNDERSTANDING love in Manipal

We were returning from our weekly visit to the great alcohol dispensary called THALLOORS, a bar/restaurant (not to be confused with the new and improved Thalloors, which is basically an Open Bar) and lost in our own trips of bliss. Out of nowhere, came this theory which caught us all quite off guard.
His perspective (seconded by another equally in the realms of alcholic ecstacy) was based on one single concept: Understanding. The sermon began something like this:-
"Dude...love in manipal is all about understanding. The guy and the girl understand each other, then it's love. for example an ugly guy and an ugly girl. what do they have in common?" I muttered a meek, "Understanding." "exactly!" came the strong reply.
Whoa! rather a Zen thing isn't it? anyway, I decided to ponder on it later and listened on as the speech continued: "Sexy guy, sexy girl...what do they have in common?...understanding. It's very obvious. Based on the financial capacity of the male partner, the sum of love shared between two people is directly proportional to the square of understanding between them.
OKAY! now considering that this noble soul had sporadically managed passable marks in mathematics, it was hard to grasp the sense in the formula that he rattled off. He realised that the latter part had skillfully evaded our heads and proceeded to explain in detail. this time he used a pen and a paper (which just happened to be the bill of our binging spree)
"Check this, i'll write it down so it makes sense"

L=k(U^2)+M

i guess this is what's implied. though i'm not much of a mathematician either. he explained that L stood for Love, U for Understanding and M for the all important binding factor...Money!

At this point, your's truly applied some magical mathematical sense and said, "wait, isn't the variable M given as a constant. Are you saying money is constant in any relationship?"

"No, the actual amount of money spent during a relationship may be different for different couples, but essentially, they revolve around a constant factor."

"Which is?"

"How much whipping the good boy is willing to endure and of course how much of a "return on Investment" he can expect after the actual spending etc is done. He will naturally spend depending on that."

"makes sense i guess..."

" you'e damn right it does. and wait, it's not over, there's more...see if you differentiate on both sides, then you end up with an equation that...."

At this point me and 2 other mates shut his mouth and dragged him back to Thalloors!

Rant 15: The third Hike...GOAAA on a Bike!

...well scooter...but you get the point!
after two weeks of deliberations as to which hike to include on my soon-to-be-finished magazine, I finally decided to combine two aspects of the Road Trip concept, a Bike and a Beach, which can be summed up in just one word actually...

GOAAAAA!

Adi was game for coming along as well, which was all the more awesome. The whole plan was basically chalked out in a matter of hours. The good friday holiday seemed like a very good excuse, and we headed out on Thursday night for a day's visit to goa.

waiting for the train...alongwith the MIT Football team

a slightly uncomfortable journey...sitting alongside a close friend and captain of the team going along


Good Morning Goa! Welcome to BENJOE's Restaurant

where do you think MV Trasher's headed?

From one bridge...........................................................to another

Finally Anjuna... some people even get braids


seen at an Anjuna beach pub
(dont worry...that's just their safety net for the cops! light away as you please here)


three hours of riding under a hot sun...as he himself put it, it only made bud wiser


One last step...I wonder if that Fish-Rock will save me!


the other side of Anjuna


Someone's checking me out on Vagator Beach...not that I'm celebrating or anything


Meet this guy...Para-Surfer and his incredibly fluorescent Green Kite


omg wat a way to surf!



Picture

Perfect


END
(who's pun is it anyway?)